Working in a bookstore, I come across a lot of titles and genres of books during any given week, but today I unpacked a book called Undateable by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle (see above). The cover and title alone were enough to spark an interest, so I picked it up and took a peek.
Basically, the book is a list of things that men do, wear, or say that make them “undateable” and repel women (complete with pictures, by the way). Fashions such as mullets or “jorts” (jean shorts) are rated as severe on their ranking scale, as are belching in public, texting while over supper, and referring to their male organs using colourful (or lame) petnames.
I have to admit that I was laughing right away, flipping through the pages and reading them out to my coworkers. For the most part, the no-nos are pretty spot on, but as I began to read further into the book, I began to disagree with some of the criticisms that, to me, came off as rather harsh and petty.
The result was that the often over-critical sense of nagging began to turn the attention away from the men who the book was targeting, instead toward the women who wrote it.
I understand that even I have criticized and generalized some men in my own blog on dating in Oil City, but c’mon, this book was ironically beginning to show exactly what most men can’t stand about women – nagging, pessimistic, high-maintenance, uptight, sissy girly-girls.
To be fair to the writers, they were trying to be humourous and at least offer a ranking system for each “crime” based on levels of severity, but why some no-nos were even listed is beyond me.
In defense of men, I have to turn this around on the women who wrote it and wonder how perfect they are? And who are they to set such shallow standards for women everywhere? Personally as I get older, it’s not so much about looks or fashion sense as it is about character and personality. For these women, character rarely comes into question. No doubt there are things that these women do that irritate the men they date beyond all belief (they’re already nagging in this book, which isn’t a good start).
Some of the things listed that make men undateable I find preposterous and personally don’t seem to mind. Perhaps these things are okay with me because I’m a pretty laid back girl who absolutely loves sports, a few beers with the guys, and can admit to the scruples of my own sex quite easily.
Maybe it’s just these authors who are high-maintenance and so ridiculously picky that they can’t find a decent man out there to be happy with – maybe nothing can make these women happy, and perhaps because of that, they are bitter and somewhat cynical enough to publish a book about what women find repulsive rather than what women appreciate in men. Shouldn’t they give examples of what men should strive to be rather than what they should be ashamed of in themselves? Which way is more constructive?
Rather than get too analytical and deep about male-female understanding (that would just end badly), I’m going to address 5 things in this book that I didn’t agree with; 5 things these women say men shouldn’t do.
1) Own a cat.
They say: “If it belonged to your grandmother who asked you to take care of it before she died, or you found it on the street, felt sorry for it, and took it in, then fine. Even somewhat adorable. If you deliberately went to a pet store and bought a cat, that’s a problem.” (p. 128, Rank: not going to get laid)
I say: Owning a cat doesn’t make you a loser, a sissy or a nancy boy. I don’t even like cats that much, but owning one or liking them yourself doesn’t mean that I won’t go on a date with you, sleep with you, or even eventually live with you and your cat. It’s a preference, and not necessarily a terrible one. There are much worse things you can own, like a yappy chihuahua, or chlamydia.
2) Own a fake Rolex.
They say: “AKA the Fauxlex – Let us tell you the time. It’s time for you to go, MR PHONEY BALONEY.” (p. 69, Rank: not going to get laid)
I say: I don’t care. Do you have any idea just how many girls (rich or poor) own fake Prada and Coach purses, wallets, and sunglasses? Who cares, then, if a guy has a fake watch? Isn’t that a double standard? If you can’t tell, who gives a damn? At least the guy won’t be late for a date.
Most of the things in the book that REALLY irked me had to do with sports. Basically, if a guy has anything to do with spectator sports, these 2 women label him as a loser or a meathead. To me, these criticisms simply reveal that the writers are uptight, unathletic, girly-girls who’d rather have the attention on themselves than actually compromise with their partner and join in or try to watch with them. If you hate sports so damn much, stay out of the room and let the guy have his two hours to himself. Don’t piss all over him for having it in his life because it’s more-than-likely that sports were a part of his life before you were. Get over yourself.
Examples from the book of what guys shouldn’t do:
3) Wear a sports jersey.
They say: “Only acceptable at a sporting event with the guys [sidenote: seems sexist to me; I'm a girl and am often at these so-called sporting events]. Actually we take that back. This whole look is just plain queer. And by queer, we don’t mean gay. A gay man wouldn’t be caught dead in one. They make you look like a big, lumbering seven-year-old.” (p. 28, Rank: redflag).
I say: Personally there’s nothing sexier than dating a guy who knows his sports and loves his hockey. That goes hand in hand with being proud of his team and showing that pride in a jersey. As a huge Canucks fan, I wear my jerseys to games, to the pub to watch games, and everyday of playoffs everywhere I go. Am I ‘queer’ for that? Wait, I actually know homosexuals who love sports and own jerseys! If these women who wrote this had any interest in sports or an understanding of fanbases, they would perhaps understand the concept of jerseys and the billion-dollar industry that comes with them. Men aren’t going to stop wearing them because high-maintenance prissies don’t watch sports, sorry.
4) Paint your face at a sporting event.
They say: “Even worse, painting your chest or body. You’re breaking two rules here – going shirtless in public and painting yourself.” (p. 130, Rank: not going to get laid).
I say: That’s hilarious and shows that a guy has a great sense of humour and love for his team. Right on.
5) Scream at a ref or player.
They say: “Booing, swearing, taunting… all bad. And like you could do any better? We get that sports bring out emotion, but keep it together and have some civility.” (p. 165, Rank: storm cloud).
I say: Clearly these women do not watch sports or go to games. If they did, they’d know that every fan who shells out hundreds of dollars for a measly seat or for a jersey deserves to criticize the game because they’re funding it. That goes for taunting other players (especially goalies), criticizing referees if the officiating is horrendous (which often leads to yelling “BULLSHIT!”), or even laying into their own team for a poor performance. There’s something sexy about a guy who knows how to taunt a goalie, orr boo a complete douchebag player. Bravo, I’ll even join you!
Alright, so after going through this book a few more times as I write, I realize that you men really have it hard. Can you ever do anything right according to these women? And what IS the ideal man? They don’t exactly say in the book either, they just rip into what you all do wrong. That’s not helpful. And if I know guys (which I like to think I kind of do), they don’t respond well to degrading remarks. It’s not constructive criticism these women are dishing out, and rather than listen to it, guys will just mutter “bitch” and move on.
According to Undateable, these women would rather date a guy with a few STDs over some poor sucker who happens to like cats. Really, ladies? Because I didn’t see in your lists of BAD QUALITIES some pretty crucial red-flags like, oh, I don’t know, being a serial cheater? Or a massive slut? Or how about a guy who beats up his girlfriends or murders prostitutes? To me, those aren’t very dateable qualities…
No? Well,okay, ladies, you can have those guys — I’ll stick with the fun, sports-loving guys who like beer, arm-wrestling with me over a table at the pub, and supporting their sports teams.
Some of you girls out there need to chill the hell out. Maybe if you did you’d realize that men would find you much more dateable in return, and might even treat you to a very expensive hockey game if you’d just stop nagging them for 5 minutes and enjoy yourselves.
Oh, and a side note – at the end of the book the authors give an update on one of the men featured who had terrible facial hair on page. 14. Apparently he shaved it off and magically became married! Good for you, guy! Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that you’re a really great guy and maybe the girl that you met actually chose to date you because of your personality rather than your lack of a goatee? These authors tend to take credit for the fact that they convinced this man that his goatee was the problem, and that by removing it, he suddenly became marriage-worthy.
So if an absolute asshole shaved off his handle-bar mustache, would he suddenly become a really great guy and treat women better because he has no facial hair?
Turn to the last page and there are the writers’ biographies, pictures and all. Immediately I noticed that they were both really beautiful women in their forties, well-dressed, great hair, confident smiles. They had great educations and credentials — but I couldn’t help but notice that neither of them had revealed whether or not they were married.
I wonder why not? Perhaps because if they are single, this book comes off as semi-hypocritical? And why are these women who are apparently “dateable” hotties still single?
Who knows – maybe they aren’t single and chose to leave out the fact that they’re married… but you’d think that if you wrote such a book that you would want to include the fact that you are, indeed, such a fantastic dater and perfect specimen that of course you’d be married! Look at you! You’re married, therefore not single, and can rip into anyone who isn’t married and tell them why they’re miserable and lonely — right?
Screw your education – if you’re going to brutally criticize the datability of the opposite sex, you better prove that you have some pretty good reason to do so! If you aren’t married, then you’re not-so-perfect either.
Just some food for thought…
Guys, toss this one away. Clearly not all girls out there hate everything about you, and if they start trying to tell you NOT to wear your jersey, or NOT to go watch the game with the boys, get the hell out! Find a girl who’ll sit and watch the game with you, and maybe even help call “bullshit” to the refs on the ice.
We are out there, you know.
In the words of Red Green (below), remember, I’m pulling for you. We’re all in this together.
Remember this?
